It was 1969 and the Americans had landed on the moon on TV last night.
In the morning, I went for a walk to buy a newspaper because a newspaper for today will be very valuable one day. Just before getting to the village I noticed a red telephone box. It must have been there forever, but I had not noticed it. Someone had put a sign in the window ‘Out of Order’ and someone else had added the word ‘Always’ so it read ‘Always Out of Order’ which was quite funny. It didn’t make any difference to me because I didn’t have any change with me so I wouldn’t be able to make a call also there was somebody already inside and they were talking so it can’t have really been out of order so the sign was a lie. I thought it would be a good idea to tell the person that the sign was I lie so I crossed the road and tapped on the window. The man talking stopped talking and pushed open the door. I said ‘it’s a lie, the sign.’ He didn’t say anything back and I thought that he might be German because he had a German face. He asked me what I wanted. I said the Americans have landed on the moon and I am going to get a newspaper because one day it will be valuable. He didn’t say anything but let the door close and went back to talking.
At the post office I mentioned the German and the sign and the post mistress said that there were often funny things going on at the telephone box and that I should ignore them. I paid my bill for the month with a cheque and bought the extra newspaper that was very thick and full of pictures.
On the way home I noticed that the telephone box was empty and the sign had gone. I wondered if the German had taken it because he realised it was a lie. The post mistress had said I should ignore it but I thought it was important to know what had happened in case someone asked ‘Who was the last person to see the sign?’ or ‘Who was the last person to see the German?’ and I would have to say that I was, but then they both disappeared and I didn’t bother with them even though it was such a special day. So I crossed the road and opened the door and went inside the telephone box.
Inside it was quiet and a bit warmer than outside. It smelt of cigarettes and I tried to remember if the German was smoking. I decided he wasn’t because he would not have had enough hands to hold the handset and open the door and smoke at the same time unless he kept the cigarette in his mouth, which he didn’t. I picked up the receiver to see if was working and I was a surprised to hear voices talking. It was working so the sign was a lie. I was preparing to replace the receiver and go back to the post office to tell them that the telephone box was working and the sign had been a lie when I heard a familiar voice.
The voice was the same one I had been hearing last night when the Americans were landing on the moon on the TV. “Houston, Tranquility Base here, the Eagle has landed.” This was the voice of Neil Armstrong who was the pilot of the space-ship that landed last night. I waited to see what else was said ‘ Contact Light. Shutdown. Okay. Engine Stop. ACA out of Detent. Out of Detent. Auto.Mode Control, both Auto. Descent Engine Command Override, Off. Engine Arm, Off. 413 is in. Engine arm is off. Houston. Then armstrong said again – Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed. Then Contact Light. Shu…. somehow his voice had got all tangled up with our telephone box and was repeating itself even though there was no one there to listen to it.
I went back to the post office and told the post mistress that the sign was definitely a lie but she repeated that funny things were always going on at the telephone box and that I should ignore them. I asked her to put some pontefract cakes on my bill and set off home.
On my way home as I passed the telephone box I noticed the sign was back but the German wasn’t. By the time I got home I had eaten half a packet of pontefract cakes.
Footnote – From 1966 to 1991 the post office ran a service called dial a disc. You could dial 160 to hear a recording of one of the latest pop songs. During the Apollo missions you could also get a recording of the latest news from space.