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Someone has left an old scooter in the wood. Not a toy scooter but a real one that once had an engine. It’s just on the path near the road, so lots of people must have seen it. The wheels and seat have gone and the lights are smashed, but a big bit of the engine is off so I can pick it up and carry it home. It’s very dirty and oily so I wash it in a bowl with fairy liquid and scrub it with a scrubbing brush. It’s very lucky because it will make a perfect invention for the crystal afterlife. It is shaped like two shells held together. There are some gears inside and a hole at one end. My work is to put a light inside that will shine through the crystal and make a light to show the afterlife that you walk into. This is very easy because I have lots of bulb holders and bulbs in Grandad’s tins and a 4½ volt battery from my train set. I don’t like gluing things because it’s not as real as screws, so I make a wooden base that I can screw inside my projector using the holes left by some parts that have gone and screw the bulb holder on that. The battery is attached by wires going outside the projector with one of Grandad’s light switches to turn on the light. The crystals will be put in the hole.
I am a bit worried that something terrible will happen if the battery runs out while you are in the afterlife, so I think about putting a plug on it and plugging it in. I know this means a bigger bulb and thicker wire and also you need to keep everyone off the metal or they might die, so I decide this might cause confusion with so many people dying while you are in the afterlife so instead I make a spare battery by sellotaping three 1½ volt batteries together in a line.
When I grow up I will have a shop selling batteries like my grandad.
*
School was the worst ever today as we had singing and writing. In singing we had to go round the class and sing a part of a song while Mrs Hewlett played the piano. I don’t like anything where you have to do art or show off. Music is like art because you make it up and it doesn’t do anything but you have to make it up right otherwise it isn’t good. When it came to my turn, I was very quiet and Mrs Hewlett shouted LOUDER and everyone laughed. I sat down and thought about a knife I had found in the shed and how once I threw it at the compost and it stuck in. After dinner we had writing. I don’t mind writing because Mrs Hollness tells you where to write to keep it in the lines and what to write so there is no making up, but the lesson is long and that’s all we do and outside it was quite windy and I thought about making an aeroplane or a helicopter like I always did when it was windy and flying away and never coming back and not ever having to sing or write just make things.
When I grow up and I am in charge no one will be allowed to sing.
*
It’s a Friday, so that’s the best day to go to the afterlife because you have the whole weekend to explore. After school, Keith and his sister came to my house. Brian really wanted to come but I reminded him that he couldn’t because this was dangerous and he might get killed.
Brian has never been to my house. I don’t think Mother would want me to play with him because he hasn’t got a dad and he is so small and weak, so it’s best I make excuses so as not to make him feel terrible. We didn’t go up to my room because I only let people I know very well go to my room so we did the experiment in the shed. Keith’s sister is quite good so I
have decided she can go on a special list of brothers and sisters. So far she is the only one but I know lots of people who have brothers and sisters so I expect there will be lots one day. She brought the two colours of crystals in a box with cotton wool. I told her the green ones weren’t right and that she could keep those. I put some of the purple ones into the end of the projector. They kept falling out so she suggested we use the cotton wool to keep them in.
This was silly because then some of the light couldn’t get out so I had to use glue which I don’t like doing so next time I will make a crystal holder. The only glue I had was from an Airfix tank I had never made because it is made of plastic. We had to wait for it to dry so while we waited I showed them some of Grandad’s tins but not the one with bullets in. Once it dried I turned on the light and Keith pointed it at my face. It went very well and I went to the afterlife.
*
I have decided not to bother with the afterlife anymore. After all, I have my wormhole. So I have taken the projector apart and have decided to turn it into a proper engine.
Today I walked on the wall with the twins. I used to play this game with Andrew before he went to Essex so his dad could work in a bank. They need to learn the rules so we can play properly but for now we just took turns to walk up or down. At weekends nobody goes to work so only a few people go down the hill to the station so we can do the game without interruption. It got a bit boring without rules so we lay on the grass and looked for caterpillars in the flowers next to the wall. These flowers always have caterpillars on the leaves so we collect them and put them in a jar with a leaf to eat. If you put the lid on tight they die so the best thing is to make small holes in the lid. Even then they die. I don’t know why because they have the leaf to eat but Jean said it’s to do with being indoors. Things like caterpillars can’t live in houses; they have to be in the fresh air and sun. I wonder if they get bored like us, only when caterpillars get bored they can’t find something else to do other than die. I am glad we can read books or watch television when we get bored.
When I grow up I will watch television all day.
*
Today my Auntie Barbara came over and we had tea in the garden. Nobody likes her much because she has a loud laugh. She rides a motorbike so I asked her about the scooter engine and if she could fix it but she said she only knew about English bikes and the scooter was Italian. Mother says that she is common which is true because she speaks like the people at school from East Hill and she has greasy hair and she smokes. I know this because once I was going to put her crash helmet on but it was all full of grease and it smelt like ash. I think she might have mixed up her girl and boy ingredients when she was little because she wears grey socks and has a moustache and black hairs on her legs like a spider. I think they are even more like some of the caterpillars we collect that have black hair and give you a rash if you let them walk down your arm. I don’t think Auntie Barbara’s hair comes from caterpillars I think it comes from inside her all mixed up with the smoke and oil, a bit like the exhaust that comes out of her motorbike. At teatime she ate a lot of ham and corned beef sandwiches and kept saying she was a growing girl and laughing very loudly. After that Mother went in to do the washing up and didn’t come out until Dad went and got her to bring out the cake. Auntie Barbara didn’t eat the cake because she was too full up with meat but she kept on laughing
and told us about her work at the hospital with people like Uncle George who died of cancer. I wondered if all people with cancer have breath that smells.
When I grow up I will have a motorbike like Auntie Barbara’s but with a side box to keep tools in.
*
I have forgotten to report on the wormhole. I am the only person that can see the wormhole because you need to be connected to see it. The connection is not by wires or by electricity but by thinking. Thinking is something I do a lot as it helps me get through the night and wake up sunny and bright even if I dream about school or Mrs Grevitt. I like to think about the wormhole in bed and it appears in the corner near my drawers where I keep my lists. I thought about taking a photograph but I don’t have any film in my cameras but I have done some drawings and a linocut just in case one day someone says that I have made it up. I am going to bury them in the wood with the tin but I need to do it in secret because the twins must not know about it in case they tell the Germans and they use it to make a nuclear machine that ruins everything. It’s difficult to do things in the wood on my own because someone always wants to come with me or I see a dog who might dig it up before the future has come. I don’t trust anyone with the wormhole because although it’s only small I think it could be very useful for someone and they could try to sell it.
When I grow up I will have a spare wormhole so I can stop worrying.
*
We went for a walk. I don’t really like walking unless it’s on pavements where you can spot all the different things people drop and the different metal lids with names and numbers on. Mother and Dad like to walk on paths through fields and up hills to see views of the church and the river or interesting birds. It’s always on a Sunday when I would much rather be in my room thinking but they say it’s good for me and I am too young to be left on my own so I have to go. The only good bit is through some woods where it’s always dark and wet and muddy. The sticks are all rotten so you can break them easily and pretend you are super strong or you can drag the long ones behind you making a slit through the mud. When we had our dog March he discovered a hidden place a little bit off the path where there was a concrete shed. He discovered it by playing in a pond next to the shed and getting covered in slimy mud. I wanted to look in the shed but Dad said it was private and there could be something dangerous inside because this area was used by the Army to test things. I am not afraid of things like that because of all the dangerous things Grandad left in his tins and his saw made from a washing machine. Things left by the Army could be useful in dealing with enemies and maybe there will a real gun that I could use with Grandad’s bullets. Today we walked past the place where the concrete shed and the pond are and I pretended not to care.
Then we came out of the wood and looked at the view of the railway line which was better than a church and a bird.
When I grow up I will look inside the concrete shed.