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Rubin’s head looked the size of a baby’s head because his gobhole was big enough to swallow an apple whole. This configuration required him to wear a balaclava with a zip across his mouth to stop flies getting in when he was running or cycling. Rubin often had to run or cycle to avoid a beating when he was mistaken for a burglar or a rapist. This upset Rubin’s mum, who loved her son a lot despite his big gob and knew that he was a law-abiding lad who always bought a platform ticket even though nobody ever checked. Nor was he the type of boy to rape people. When not running or cycling away from the townsfolk, Rubin spent his days at the railway station waiting for trains, and he always took an apple to eat for eleveses. When he was peckish, he would unzip the mouth hole of his balaclava, place the apple between his teeth as if preparing to bite it, but then, in a trice, swallow the whole thing down in one go. You could see the apple shooting down his throat, just like in a cartoon when a mouse or bomb zooms down a drainpipe to scare an old lady or blow up a cat. This facility made him quite famous, and the railway made quite a thing of him. The station master put up posters showing Rubin’s massive gobhole and charged an extra sixpence for platform tickets. The railway laid on a special train, the Big Gobhole Special, to see Rubin eat his apple. With your ticket, you get a free glass of sparkling apple juice made from the same variety of apple that Rubin liked. Of course, there was no guarantee he would be there or that he would be peckish, but people compared it to whale watching or the Northern Lights: if you were lucky, you might see something; but if not, well then, you could always try again next year. Rubin didn’t profit from his fame. He thought it unprincipled, and his mum agreed. He had been given a great gift, and to make money from it would besmirch it and might even result in it going away – or, worse, Rubin could end up falling down a hole in the road. So Rubin continued to run, to cycle, and to swallow, and the townsfolk continued to watch him and chase. The railway continued to serve sparking apple juice and his mum continued to be upset.
You can see Rubin to this day if you take the Big Gobhole Special; but, remember, you may be disappointed because he may have had a beating or not be feeling peckish.
January 31, 2022