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An opera singer fancied some chips, so when she finished singing opera she set off toward the chip shop. On the way, she whistled her big aria. It was the Queen of the Night’s second aria from The Magic Flute by Mozart. It was hard to whistle because it had a really high bit, so it sounded quite funny. It was night, and the moon was up bright and breezy because this place was right next the sea. ‘How fitting: the moon light is lighting ME, the Queen of the Night,’ she thought as she walked alone along the harbour past the funfair and the donut place.
‘That’s a lovely tune,’ a voice said.
The opera singer was startled, but she was almost as pleased as she was surprised, so she said, ‘Thank you, it’s the Queen of the Night’s second aria from The Magic Flute by Mozart.’
‘I know,’ said the voice.
‘Oh, did you see the performance?’ the opera singer asked, turning toward the voice. ‘I AM the Queen of the Night,’ she said, but nobody was there.
At the chip shop the opera singer bought a large chips and a saveloy. It was a treat because her doctor had told her that she needed to lose weight, but it was a cold night and she deserved it because ‘my singing is so FANTASTIC,’ she thought. On the way home she whistled the same song. Secretly, she hoped the voice would pop up and compliment her again, so, as she approached the donut shop, she whistled extra hard. She was good at this because all opera singers know how to support their breath using the diaphragm.
As expected, the voice popped up again. ‘Still whistling,’ it said.
‘Yes, do you like it?’ she said, and, without waiting for an answer, ‘I can sing it if you like. It sounds LOADS better when I sing it.’
So off she went. She sang the whole aria at full voice, including the high bit, and as she sang the breeze picked up and became wind and the sea picked up and became a storm. The sign outside the donut shop swung back and forth, the big wheel in the fair started to turn, and coloured lights flashed on and off.
Out at sea, a tiny ship full of people was struggling to come into the harbour. They could see the big wheel turning and the lights flashing and thought it was a signal inviting them to land, but then they heard the high bit in the song on the wind and were frightened. ‘They don’t want us,’ they thought. ‘Otherwise the wind wouldn’t sing such a terrible song.’ So they turned their boat away from the harbour and headed back the other way.
Next day, in her hotel before breakfast, the opera singer rushed to read the review
of the performance of The Magic Flute in the newspaper. ‘In the second act aria, her voice reached a perfection rarely achieved by any soprano. It was simply magical.’ She rewarded herself with a full English. On the front page was a story about the overnight sinking of a boat full of people, noting it was strange as the weather was fine and the sea was calm – but she didn’t see that.
So, dear reader: never ever sing the Queen of the Night’s second aria from The Magic Flute
by Mozart. Stick to whistling it.
January 15, 2024