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Welcome caller. Once upon a time, when telephones were just babes and the world was still clockwork, passers-by could, on the payment of some pennies, dial a number from this telephone box and hear a young man read a story. (Pause.) I am that young man, made old, deaf, and blind, but with a still-lingering mouth ready to vent my stories anew. To hear these stories gratis you will need to do as I say.
Return the handset to the cradle. Face into the mirror. Mist the mirror with your breath three times. Like this. (Pause.) Firmly, as if to animate death’s breath. (Pause.) Then, raise the handset. You will hear a tone, a buzz. (Pause.) You should press one, zero, one, and wait and wait. That’s one, zero, one.
Now return the receiver to the cradle. Do just as I have said. Mist, lift, one, zero, one. I await your call.