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I have a new Denise and two new friends, both called Stephen, because I am at a new school. We are sleeping on the floor of the telephone box and thinking about new Denise. We drank some cider and now Stephen feels sick. Denise does not know about the phone box but we wish she did because she wears a bra and always looks clean and tidy and we always keep the phone box clean and tidy. I love her most for this although both the Stephens are on the list so I let them think about her. This school is worse than the last one because it is much more full of people that don’t have dads or books and smoke the cigarettes you can buy in tens. I think Denise prefers those people to us because they are taller and have strong bones and she is small and this makes a better impression.
*
The new Denise has bosoms and does not talk to me or kiss me. The last one disappeared. This one is quite common like the last one and has the same hair. She is the only good thing at my new school other than the science. In the science we make experiments and burn things. The room smells of gas all the time and the teachers open the windows so we can hear everyone screaming.
*
There is a boy in my class who smells. I don’t think he ever has a bath or clean clothes. Everyone tries to sit somewhere else and we all hate him. He reminds me of Brian because he always looks down. People hit him sometimes to try to make him cleaner. He can’t read so when we read around the class the teacher leaves him out. I wish I couldn’t read.
*
We are going to The Tempest by bus. It is a play. Our teacher has only one eye and she likes plays. She gets us to read them in class, that is except Stephen the boy that smells and can’t read. I decided when I was still at the other school that I didn’t like reading stories. Plays are different because it is all talking so they are more real. The play was quite good as there was a man and a girl who could make anything they wanted happen. Also the stage had a big circle just like the wormhole that spun and things changed. At the end everyone was happy which is the way I think all plays end, even the sad ones. It was dark and in the bus we had the lights on to read. I sat quite near the front but not at the front because that’s where the girl who was sick sat. She wasn’t allowed to read; she had to watch out the front. I watched with her because the road is much more interesting than a book. People who didn’t like the play sat at the back of the bus and shouted a lot and kept standing up. I know that’s the best place to be but I think I know too much to ever sit there. I know a lot of new things since coming to school. I thought I liked astronomy best but I think plays are as interesting as the stars but I still like roads best.
When I grow up I will own a reflecting telescope and a road.
*
We had to write about The Tempest. I wrote about the big circle and the teacher said it was good. I was surprised she said that as I didn’t try at all. I don’t really try at anything at school because there isn’t any point. I know what will happen to me and it won’t make any difference if I get a job or get married or buy a house because the weegee board said I will die at the age of twenty-one and I know that’s wrong because I have been to the afterlife and come back so I must have already died.
When I grow up I won’t die if I already have.
*
Today I found a dead cat on the side of the road. It wasn’t squashed or covered in blood. It still had a collar on so I took it off to see if it had a name but it was just for fleas.
*
I sometimes wish I didn’t have any friends. Then I would be different. All the different people at school don’t have friends but they stand out. I have friends. Dad says he has acquaintances not friends so from now on my friends are acquaintances.
*
My acquaintances are all called Steven but one of them is called Stephen. They are all more common than me because of where they live and their voices. They are different to Simon, Keith and Brian because they do more things that I haven’t done. Like one Steven rode his
bike to London through traffic lights and round roundabouts. Another one delivers papers in the morning even when it’s dark and raining. I want to be more like them because they can sit on the back seat of the bus but I don’t want to live in their houses or have their gardens which people can see you sitting in.
*
I am not called Steven or Stephen (ph) but my three acquaintances are. I know I have already said this but today I think I have realised that it’s important enough to be on a list. As I am the only one with a different name then I am different without having to try and this is a good thing.
*
I would like to set the school on fire so that I don’t have to go anymore. I think I would start with the rugby pitch so I would have to think of an invention that burns grass. I have seen the man at the bottom of the garden use a stick with a flame connected to an oil bottle to kill weeds so something like that might work but he spends hours walking in his vegetable patch so it could take a long time so I would have to do it at a weekend and I am not at school then.
*
Setting the school on fire is not necessary as it occurs to me that it is more sensible not to attend school and then I avoid being caught or burnt. So from now on I am not attending. The Stev(ph)ens have agreed to this although I would have preferred not to have them hanging around as this is a private thought and relies on my understanding of the wormhole as a hidey hole. I still appear in class but what nobody realises is that I am not really there. I am in the wormhole. The person who looks like me sat at the desk is just atoms and molecules without the me bit. This gives me great power because I can be anywhere like at the station or in a Marks and Spencers or burning the rugby pitch but the people would all say I was in French or history or metalwork.
*
I quite look forward to not attending school. It’s much better than attending. Mother and Dad have noticed that I am going to the bus smiling but they are worried because they don’t know why and I don’t plan to tell them. The bus driver is called Bob and he shows the split up his bottom as he drives. He smokes all the time so one day he will die of cancer. That isn’t the reason I smile because I don’t think it’s funny but little things like this make me smile because I don’t have to worry about the big things anymore like tests or homework or football because I am not attending school anymore. I spend my time in the wormhole thinking. I think about the second Denise a lot when I look at her. She can’t see me of course which is even better. I prefer watching to anything other than making but these days I don’t do so much making but I do a lot of watching. I am learning to listen as well. It’s not as good as watching because there aren’t any pictures but voices and sounds sometimes help me not to attend. In particular I like the organ but not the one that plays the songs in church I like the one Mr French played to me on a record that sounds like a bulldozer.
When I grow up I will play the organ really loud.
*
Our street is unusual. It’s called a Rise which means it’s a hill that’s quite steep. This means that when it rains hard it becomes a river that rushes down toward the bottom. I think you could ride on this if you had a boat. My book on the sea has a picture of the biggest wave you can think of that covers two pages. It’s only a painting because it would not be possible to take a picture unless you had a camera when it happened and nobody did. It is very black and deep and there is a tiny craft about to be hit by the wave. I think about this when I look at the Rise with the rain. I want such a big wave to come so that I can ride down the hill all the way to the station in two seconds.
*
I don’t think about getting old because I don’t have time.
*
I spent the day in my room. My room is the room I was born in so it is very comfortable and clean. I like to keep it in order with all my things in the place they have always been. Every week I brush the carpet with a special brush that gets all the dust and hair out. The dust and hair comes from me because nobody else comes in but even so it is better not to leave it lying around. I have a lot of shelves as well as cupboards and drawers. The drawers have clothes in so I don’t bother with those, the shelves have books on - mostly I haven’t read them because I don’t like to spoil them. Some of them have brown paper covers on that I have made so that they stay perfect, inside I have stamped my name like a library book. On some of them the Sellotape has gone brown and dried up and this looks very bad, so I try not to look at those and put them on a top shelf. I have read some of the books I got from jumble sales because they are not new. The ones on the sea I have read more than once because they have pictures of enormous waves and whales tied to the sides of boats for making soap. The cupboards have my inventions in. I don’t like taking my old inventions apart even though I make much better ones now. So my afterlife projector and all my steam powered rafts fill up most of one cupboard.
When I grow up I want to have a cave where I can keep all my inventions safe forever.
*
My room is too small now that I am bigger. It is also too blue so I paint my new room green and grey and I stop Sellotaping pictures on my wall and start getting frames to put them in. I still have my inventions but now they take second place to my thoughts.
*
The apple tree in the garden is ill so Dad has sprayed it. His sprayer is like a bike pump but instead of air it uses water. It takes him a long time because for each pump of water he has it suck up a new one. It isn’t water because it smells like a candle when you blow it out. When he finishes he says that the tree will take quite a long time to get better because the illness has made the leaves black and they have to turn green. I don’t know why he tries because the apples from this tree are only for cooking and there are only so many apple pies you can eat and it’s not my favourite pudding. It would be better to look after the other apple tree that
hangs over the fence because you can eat the apples from the tree but it belongs to Sid and he might shoot you.
*
I have hair around my willy and Mother laughs at my voice because it keeps going funny. We have been told that this happens and it’s normal. I know it’s normal because if it wasn’t I would be very ill. Also some of the boys in my class already sound like they are old. I am not sure I like any of this as I am happy to stay the same as getting old might mean doing things you don’t want to do because you have children or your own pets to look after. I have thought about having children and decided against it. I will have pets because I have yet to get over March and having my own new dog will mean that bit of my memory won’t stick out so much because my new dog will take its place.
I have grown up so now I need to do all the things I said I would do.