< Previous | Contents | Next >
It was Christmas Eve. The shops were so busy Gerald started to feel sick. He told his mother, but she said if he was sick then he wouldn’t get any presents because Santa hated boys who vomited. Gerald held onto to it for as long as he could, but when they arrived at the sweet stall he couldn’t stand the smell and he was sick all over the chocolate Santas.
His mother said that this was the limit and that Santa would never forgive him because he was sick on an effigy, which was twice as bad. Gerald wanted to cry, but he felt too sick.
On the way home on the Tube, he still felt sick. In fact, he felt even sicker because they had to stand and the train was wobbling about and it was very hot. At Charing Cross, Santa got onto the train, and everyone cheered and laughed. But Gerald still had enough sick in him to fill Santa’s sack (which was full of presents) with some fresh sick. And he did. Everyone was disgusted, Gerald’s mother pretended he wasn’t hers, and Santa said ‘Fuck’ and ‘Fuck Christmas’ and ‘Fuck’ again many, many times.
It was too late for Santa to make more presents, so that night the children got presents covered in Gerald’s sick, which made them feel sick until Christmas dinner, and their mothers told them that if they were sick at Christmas dinner Santa would come and take their presents away but not give them new clean ones but leave them with nothing. So the children tried to keep the sick in, but it was too much, and in the end they were sick too.
And that’s why children are always sick at Christmas. It’s not from eating too many sweets; it’s all because of Gerald.
January 20, 2025